Turning 30

Unbelievable.

I feel okay with being 30 (which won't actually happen until March 1, 2005 at 6:30 pm). I'm comfortable with myself and where I am in life, for the most part. I can't say I would have done anything differently in my twenties. I'm pretty much where I thought I'd be.

However. I thought by now I would have figured out what it is that I want to do professionally. I thought I would have "discovered my passion", followed it, struggled slightly and then become successful. So maybe by 40.

I didn't think I would still be in NH. When I was a little girl, I always thought I'd be in NYC by now, with some high status job and dating several successful and witty men whenever I felt like squeezing them in. In the past few years, I thought I would HAVE to move in order to be with my people.

Who are my people? I can't describe it, but I know them when I'm with them (which isn't very often). These are people who are friendly, genuinely nice, humorous, smart and fairly with it. I find aspects of this in people I meet while traveling, but rarely do I feel I am with my people. But I still have a lot of traveling to do! I am always hopeful.

I haven't made any goals tied into turning 30. I think it's a time to look back a little, evaluate what has happened and where it's gotten me, then boldly move on to the next decade of my life. If you think about it, I probably have 8 or 9 decades total to live, and I have just finished 3. Two-thirds of my natural life remains. That's a lot of traveling and a lot of figuring out and accomplishing to do. I feel well equipped - no major baggage (that hasn't been dealt with), no mental instability, I'm physically fit and generally happy with who I am. It'll be good.

That said, I have decided to go skydiving to celebrate turning 30 (I did say I have no mental instability, right? Just checking). I hope that my lover, partner, muse - there's no word that fully describes him (besides maybe SEXY - hope I'm not embarrassing you, baby) - will join me to specifically NOT celebrate his birthday on April 9.

Should be a good time.