I'll get to this guy with the Prowler in a second.
I've met men, talked to men, but nothing promising. I know I live in NH, but is EVERY man only into camping, hunting and fishing for fun? I even updated my match.com profile to specifically exclude these activities.
I was picked up last week by a man in Wal Mart. I went there after work to buy some soup. There's always a strange element at the Concord, NH Wal Mart, but at 11:30 pm, people get even weirder. So I hardly noticed a man staring at me throughout the store.
When he finally approached, he was VERY nervous. So nervous that I thought he might be strung out on some drug. He said I looked very familiar and didn't know where he knew me from. After a few minutes of discussing where we grew up, we could make no connected as to how he knew me. Not surprising.
He was there to buy Benadryl for his dog. Apparently the dog was itchy. I eventually gave him my number because #1 He had the balls to approach me - not many men do and #2 He wasn't nasty.
Even though I told dude I was there after work (reasonable assumption would be that I work at night), he called no fewer than THREE times the next day between 8-10 pm. Two messages and a hang up. He called again the morning after that, so we spoke. He said he is divorced, has an an eleven year old son, and loves to go camping, fishing and hunting.
Is that not a match or what [sarcasm]? It's funny how men list their own interests and expect you to want to do all sorts of manly things with them. I discussed this with my mom yesterday. If a man asks a woman what she likes to do for fun, do we answer with, "I like to go shoe shopping, paint my nails, go to the spa and have drinks with the girls"? No. We list things that we like to do with men, our partners, our dates. Are men really that clueless?
I asked him what he likes to do on dates with women. He said, "I don't know. I guess go out to eat. Maybe a water park. You know, with water slides?"
This is when I acknowledged ONCE AGAIN that my love life is a joke, and that someone up there is just laughing their ass off at my love life. I rolled my eyes. He asked if he could call me again that night. I'm not into being smothered, and several phone calls throughout the day "just to talk" are a big turn off to me. I asked him to call me the next day, or maybe the day after that. He hasn't called, so that's probably for the best.
Failure #2
Meet Jim.
Jim is a match.com reject. You wouldn't think so once you hear all he has to offer.
Jim is:
1. A scientist for a semiconductor company
2. The holder of a couple patents in his field
3. Greek and Italian, with an accent
4. The owner of a "yacht"
5. Also the proprieter of a photo studio
6. Single and looking to settle down
7. Well educated. A master's from MIT and several advanced degrees
8. A dog-lover
9. Clearly in shape and takes care of his temple
10. In addition to being a scientist and professional photographer, also sells ladies handbags at house parties
Anyone who has been out there dating is certainly skeptical of all his attributes. Does a scientist make enough money to acquire all these toys? Or is he a drug dealer?
But he has the kind of body that you could use as a jungle gym (Jungle Jim?) for at least a few weeks before you get bored with him. So I continued to correspond with him. If anything, I thought, I'd meet him to have another crazy funny story to tell.
After he emailed me from the yacht in Nantucket, Jim and I finally spoke on the phone. It was a tough call. It was noon, and he had just woken up. He was out late the night before, partying and drinking. Jim is 37 years old and wakes up at noon, hungover. Impressive. We spoke for about an hour, and I think I spoke maybe 2-3 minutes of that. Jim gave me his entire background, including his education, where his parents live (dad in Italy, mom South of France), how he acquired all the toys (parents paid for anything he wanted while in school - which might explain why he's a lifelong student), his past relationships, and his dogs. Ah the dogs.
Jim explained that the most tragic event in his life was when his dog died. It's been 9 years since the dog's passing and he is just now able to look at old photographs. He has a new dog now, who has his own set of toys, including a little dinghy beside the yacht.
When I was able to get a word in, I mentioned I was dog-sitting my mom's Pomeranian. He asked me far more questions about the dog than he did about me! But even that didn't last long, as he was also running errands while giving me his autobiography.
He asked me to hold while he paid for a bottle of Bufferin (for the dog's arthritis, of course) in Rite Aid. Then he had to get a coffee. On a first phone call. This brings up bad feelings for me from way back (sit down and talk to me, and if you can't, call later!), so I was turned off even more than I was from Jim's non-stop talk fest.
Jim said he took his match.com profile down because a girl in Miami had done something very mean to it. It was a very long story, did I have time to hear it? I said no. I don't have time. I have to go. I'll call you in a few days.
I didn't call him again. Normally I would just tell someone I didn't think there was much of a connection or chemistry, so they wouldn't expect a call. But Jim was clearly in his own world and probably wouldn't miss my phone call.
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