Moving Soon. Not across town... across the globe.

Standing at the top of Cairo Tower, overlooking Cairo. Below is the River Nile.

The house has been listed for 4 days and has been shown twice already. It's priced right and should sell quickly, even in this market. Once I receive the funds, I am off to Egypt, permanently!

The sofa will come, but everything else... eh. Can't bring electronics, unless I want to buy converters for each one. Some things may go in storage, others will be given away or donated.

I'll list some things up for grab when I'm ready to go.

I'm looking forward to the Egyptian lifestyle where everything is delivered and there is always time for cinnamon tea. Oh, and no snow. Thankfully.

TV can be very motivating

Hoarders makes me want to clean my apartment

Half Ton Dad makes me want to eat only celery

What Not to Wear makes me want to go shopping

and Down Home with the Neelys makes me want to cook a feast with Ahmed

Please donate to this very worthy cause

Bagging Rant

Self scan at the grocery store

I don't know about you, but the only reason I use self scan registers at the grocery store is so I can bag my own groceries without offending or weirding out the bagger at a traditional register.

I used to bag groceries while I was a supervisor at a grocery store about 15 years ago. I was trained to bag by an older woman who took pride in her bagging ability and wanted to pass her torch. I willingly accepted.

Since then, it's been few and far between bags that have been bagged properly by the baggers wherever I shop. In fact, when the rare bagger bags my groceries properly and thoughtfully, I always stop to compliment their bagging ability and thank them.

When self scan debuted at Hannaford, I immediately saw the potential. I could not only scan all my groceries, but I could bag them all, too! The first few trips to the store were great. I'm a fast and efficient bagger, so I never delay the next person in line. My groceries arrived home intact, sanitary (no chicken juice or cow blood on my cheese and lettuce) and in easy to carry bags which held their shape with weight evenly distributed.

My honeymoon screeched to a halt when Hannaford decided to place an older man, most likely a retiree who worked part time, at the self scan lanes. I hoped he was security, just making sure everyone was scanning what they put in their carts and ended up in the bags. But no. He was placed to help move people along more efficiently, by stepping in to bag the groceries self scanned.

The first time this happened, I thanked him for his help and gave him a chance to bag my groceries. Not surprisingly, they were bagged in the usual unthoughtful and uneven manner. I rearranged a few things and went on my way.

The next time I shopped, he was standing there again, waiting to jump in and help. This time, I thanked him and expressed that I would prefer bagging my own. He did the hands off motion, looking somewhat offended. Great. Piss off an old man or go home with poorly bagged groceries.

When another store opened down the street and featured self scan, I jumped ship. For a very long time, they left me alone. I could scan and bag completely independently. They didn't even have the annoying weight sensor under the bags like they have at Wal Mart and the express lane at Hannaford. "Please place the item into the bag". I did. "Please place the item into the bag". Uh, it's in the bag. "Please wait for assistance". This is about the moment I start pulling my hair out.

Anyway, my new store allowed me to scan as much as I needed and only interrupted when the bagging area became too full and would ask me to bag some groceries before continuing to scan. Not today. A "helpful" older woman, again, most likely a retiree, was at the end of self scan. I hoped she was just hanging around for the people who obviously shouldn't use self scan - the ones who don't know how to enter produce, can't find bar codes, have never entered a dollar bill into a slot, etc. Nope. She was a bagger.

I thanked her and told her I prefer to bag my own. She continued to bag my groceries. I thanked her again and told her I had it from there. She said she would finish bagging the bag she was working on. I stood and waited for her to finish. Am I not the customer? Am I not entitled to intact eggs, evenly weight distributed bags to carry up three flights of stairs? Am I not paying for these groceries? If the store needs to employ people to assist with a function that was meant to reduce staff, perhaps these people could be trained?

Here are my principles for correctly bagging groceries:

1. It all starts with unloading the cart. All two liter bottles of soda, jars and heavy items go on the belt first, followed by hard boxes and plastic containers. Then all cold items. Produce, then fragile items at the very end, like eggs, bread, pie crusts, etc. If by chance there is a trained bagger at the register, they can plan the bags and load them appropriately.

2. Create structure in the bag. What does this mean? The bag should be able to stand on its own, not collapse onto itself. Prop up the short ends of the bag with boxes. Fill the center with smaller boxes, cans or jars, keeping in mind to evenly distribute the weight between other bags. If there are no boxes, lay cans on their sides along the bottom to create a solid bottom.

3. Don't place jars next to each other. Put a small box or plastic bottle between them to lessen the chance of glass breakage in the car.

4. Produce all goes together. This helps the cashier (or you if you're self scanning) because produce isn't usually scanned but entered by code.

5. COLD and frozen items all in one bag together or in as many bags as needed, but with no non-cold items.

6. Raw meats and processed meats must be separated.

7. Non-food items, such as cleaning products, paper towels, toilet paper, all go together. If the only non-food item is paper napkins, they can go in with food items, but NEVER put cleaning products or cosmetics in with food. Leaks happen.

8. Lastly, when arranging the filled bags in the cart, put the heaviest and non-squishables on the bottom. A perfectly filled bagged means nothing when it's at the bottom of the cart, below a watermelon. Egg and bread bag in the child seat, too (provided there isn't a child already sitting there)!


What are YOUR grocery store pet peeves?

One Egyptian's Perspective

I interviewed Ahmed for my blog in June, then posted it to the wrong blog. Oops! Here's my man's perspective on questions he is frequently asked by tourists. Leave a comment if you have any questions you'd like to ask and I'll post his answer!

Becky:
Ahmed, thanks for opening up your world of travel and tourism to share with us your perspectives on Egypt.

Ahmed:
You're welcome... but bear my bitter sarcasm.

Becky:
Why are you bitter?

Ahmed:
I'm not. My sarcasm is.

Becky:
Ok, let's get started then.

Ahmed:
Sure thing, Miss Bean.

Becky:
As a tour director, you must field lots of questions from travelers.

Ahmed:
I do... some are valid.

Becky:
What is the strangest question you've heard?

Ahmed:
Well, there are a bunch actually. Here are a few of my all time favourites:

Q. How many months do Egyptian women & Arab women in general stay pregnant for?
A: They don't get pregnant. They lay eggs.

Becky:
You actually received that question?

Ahmed:
She actually believed my answer.

Becky:
Where was she from?

Ahmed:
USA. She was pissed off big time next day because she found out that women here give birth. She felt, and I quote, "offended".

Becky:
What's another strange question you've received?

Ahmed:
What is the name of the "unknown soldier" at the Alexandria KIA memorial? How did the ancient Egyptians know that Jesus Christ would be born in 2300 years?

Becky:
Great. People have also asked you, "Why are there people standing on the streets? What are they waiting for?"

Ahmed:
Oh yeah... that's a very frequent question, especially from the USA. My answer always differs.

Becky:
What is the real answer?

Ahmed:
The real answer is... Go ask them. Here are a few insights: Waiting for transportation, waiting in the shade instead of queuing up on a scorching hot tarmac to buy something, or at a governmental office, maybe hanging out till somebody meets them, or simply they could be shop owners stretching their legs.

Becky:
Another question you are asked is, "Why do men kiss and hold hands?"

Ahmed:
Yeah... it is a Mediterranean thing. They kiss in Paris, Rome, Greece, Spain.
I guess they are not homophobes here. Men are comfortable with their masculinity.

Becky:
When I was there with you, I noticed two men walking arm in arm. I assumed they were very comfortable with their homosexuality.

Ahmed:
No harm in kissing cheek to cheek or hold hands like a groom walks a bride down the isle, in the same style of locking arms. I think in Arab culture, there is nothing sexual about holding hands... it is friendship, human connection and comradery.

Becky:
"Why do women wear veils covering the hair? Do men force them to do this?"

Ahmed:
Women wear veils as a matter of choice. It starts with the tribes of Arabia... thousands of years ago, measuring their wealth based on cattle head, gold and how many slaves they own of both genders. Men were for labor. Women for sexual use. So every night women would be raped, until the prophet came along and established that all "man" is equal before the eyes of G (God), regardless of skin tone, social background or ethnic origin. It was equal to today someone asking everybody to give up their materialistic wealth, so of course they mocked him and gave him a hard time.

One of the things that distinguished mistresses from slaves was the dress code. Women in bondage were either topless, nude or barely covered, whereas noble woman covered up in long gowns and scarfs. It was the order of G that all women be dignified the same, so all women were given the right to dress up the same and cover the same, based on all men equal before the Almighty's eyes.

If it is the word of G that a woman be covered, NO MAN can uncover her against her will. In modern day some women choose to cover. Some feel safe not covering up.
It's personal choice in 96% of the places where Islam is the prevailing religious practice. But some non Arab countries... deeply steeped in other forms of binding religious practices, like Afghanistan or Iran or Pakistan or Malaysia... force women to wear the veil by the force of law or society, which takes women right back to bondage. Because now they are dressing in a code against their will.

Becky:
Why do women in small villages wear black?

Ahmed:
Conservative societies get very self conscious. Any color than black would reveal the figure in a bright country like Egypt, especially from a distance in an open field. So black conceals the figure of a woman... same idea. She has the right to not be revealed against her will.

Becky:
Are there any other questions that foreigners ask that you feel need real answers?

Ahmed:
Yes. Unfinished buildings are not finished because the people that live there are obviously poor. Driving rules are not there as there are more pressing issues than regulating traffic, when the population is big and the governmental offices are over loaded.

The 10:15 pm phone interview with three doctors in Nepal was an interesting experience, to say the least. They really need a pharmacist. I'm not a pharmacist. I told that to the recruiter in Bonn, Germany, but they must have had a lack of interested parties, since my name was thrown in the hat.

So now I am back to work with a humanitarian organization. It hasn't been a very pleasant or positive experience, but I like the health insurance and vacation time. I'll keep working until all my minor medical issues are addressed and until my father's estate is settled. I'm sure by then I'll be at a boiling point in this organization and more than ready to leave. Hopefully Egypt will be ready for me at that time as well.


Ahmed came to NH and we spent three weeks of wonderful one on one time. We both had the distinct impression that we are meant to be together in Egypt, not the States. It feels far more "right" and natural for us to be in Egypt.

While he was here, we hung out with friends and my mom. A few things about the US surprised him. He was impressed how everyone does their job, how green it is here and how people are fairly laid back. Americans on vacation in Egypt can be a little high strung. In our own environment where we know what to expect, we're pretty calm.

I brought him to a few classic American spots and we did some pretty average things. I wanted him to experience every day life here. When we were in Maadi, we also did average things, and it was great to experience grocery shopping in Egypt.

We saw a 3D IMAX film at Jordan's Furniture. After lunch at Fuddrucker's, we checked out all the furniture and Bose systems. Ahmed and I have almost the same exact taste in furniture. We both fell in love with a leather sofa. It was perfect for us. We could both lay down and look at each other. We spend a lot of our time talking, so it was great. As we reclined on the floor model, a woman walked by and commented that the sofa looked like "us". It's definitely us.



All my furniture was handed down and I didn't have any "adult" furniture. Ahmed and I thought this was a great first piece for me, but more importantly, a great symbol of our future together. Ahmed bought the sofa for us, and it will come to Egypt.

I think we'll find other must haves as we travel the world together. I love all the chandeliers in Egypt. I wonder what we'll find in Tanzania or Morocco, two places we're considering for our honeymoon. We have so much to explore together and I can't wait to get started.

A detour to Nepal before Egypt?

Somehow the UN (United Nations) found me and now I am being interviewed for a mission in Nepal. Actually, I think they first heard about me via UNICEF, as I signed up for volunteerism a while back.

Our first contact was via a phone call from Bonn, Germany. The woman who called me had a high pitched voice, sounded Asian, and announced she was calling from the UN. My first reaction was, "yeah, RIGHT!" Thankfully that was silent. I swore it was a prank call. We initially discussed a six month mission in Kabul, Afghanistan. I said I was interested, and they emailed the details. It included information about hardship in relation to living conditions, and hazard pay would be added to the normal pay.

I'd been trying to find a job in Cairo with the UN or one of its organizations. I applied for a campaign with the WHO (World Health Organization) a while back but haven't heard anything to date.

I briefly considered the Kabul post so I could get in with the UN and be available for Egypt assignments. After researching the current security status of Kabul and talking it over with Ahmed, I declined further interest.

The same lady in Bonn called me in July about another mission that fit my profile. This one is in Kathmandu, Nepal. I am qualified for the job in many ways, but I'm unsure if I'm what they're looking for. Nepal has undergone a change in government in the past few years. The UN is there for a peace keeping mission, but there hasn't been much unrest or violence recently. There was a protest a few days ago, but it seemed contained. I indicated my availability and interest, and heard nothing until a week ago. I was contacted by the mission in Nepal, and after negotiating the time difference, I will be interview on the phone tomorrow night.

The mission in Nepal is short term - only three months. I am in the middle of handling my father's estate and just started a new job, so it will be tricky. But if offered, I think it'll be an opportunity I can't pass up.

Questions I'm Continually Asked About Egypt

1. Was it hot?
Not while I was there, but it does get hot. Probably hotter than you or I could imagine.

2. It's really different there, right?
right.

3. So you love Egypt?
No, I love Ahmed.

4. Did you see the pyramids?
Every time we were in Giza, but saw them up close last time I was there.

5. Why aren't you tanned?
We weren't at the beach, and Cairo isn't a place you hang around outside.

6. Is it all desert?
With the exception of the Nile delta (a thin strip of land on either side of the River), yes.

7. Did you have to wear a burqa?
Nope. You may be thinking of Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan.

8. Well you must have had to wear a veil (head scarf)?
Nope. I'm Christian, and my religion doesn't require I wear one.

9. Is Ahmed "westernized"?
He has lots of experience with Americans and other nationalities, but he is a proud Egyptian who never thought he'd be romantically involved with an American.

10. Was the food weird?
The food was AWESOME. I ate very well. For breakfast at home we had mushrooms and eggs, assorted cheeses with flatbreads, and Ahmed's own chive salad.
Egyptian food in restaurants is great. They really need to just stick with what they know, however. International cuisine is available, but it is all Egyptianized. If you're craving Italian, have it before you go to Egypt. If you love Mexican, you'll be directed to a Chili's. You can get an Old El Paso taco kit at Carrefour, but it'll cost you $10 USD.

Food can be delivered to you from anywhere, usually up until 2 am. You don't even have to speak Arabic! Just go to Otlob and order away. We feasted on Saudi Arabian baby chickens (little chickens spread eagle on flatbread inside a styrofoam takeout container), kofta, chicken kebab, beautiful rice, tahini and some ridiculously good oily bread all rolled up and warm. Yum.

11. Does shisha make you high?
No. It's fruit flavored tobacco smoked through a hookah which is basically a floor bong. I got a little lightheaded a few times simply because I'm not a smoker and I was holding it in my lungs waaaay too long. I tried apple, licorice, mint, apricot and grape flavored shishas. Mint was my favorite.

12. Do the women have to walk behind the men?
No.
But you can if your feet hurt or if you're tired. Or if you're walking with a group of women and the men are walking with their male friends. Or if your man and protector isn't sure what's ahead, he may request to walk before you so if the unexpected occurs, he'll take the hit rather than you. For example, a deep hole in the ground. There is no general infrastructure in Egypt, and this includes road safety.

13. Speaking of roads, what's the driving like?


14. "I've always wanted to go to Egypt! It's been my lifelong dream!"
So go. Seriously. I never had that burning desire to go to Egypt, and I did. Alone. I met up with a tour group and had the time of my life. I also met the love of my life :) So just go.

"When you were young you learned to walk, to speak, and to function within the culture that surrounded you," he explained, "Did you not have to relearn the same basic skills in this country? And has the arduous process of adaptation not augmented your wisdom?"

The old man hunched over a bit and continued softly, "Rejoice, you have grown up twice and still have your youth. Do with this opportunity what you can and, when the time comes, give those who survive you reason to celebrate your life. Your wisdom will assuredly outlast your youth."

Little and Big Things

When we get in the car, Ahmed rolls the windows down to get some air circulating. As we begin to drive off, he rolls my window up at precisely the right time - just before the wind starts to mess up my hair.

He is the only man to feed me from his hand, and makes sure I have more than plenty to eat.

He stays on top of my Pepsi Max supply and orders it before I'm out.

He touches my shoulder in public to let me know he remains connected to me at all times.

He understands me when I can't find the words to express what I really mean.

He lets me sleep as long as I want.

He leads me yet I am a full partner.

He drinks American coffee with me to share an experience, even though I know he thinks it's disgusting.

He shares his hopes and dreams, and they always involve me.

Our shared faith and belief in the Almighty strengthens and inspires us to do more and be more.

He washes the dishes.

He doesn't tolerate my politeness. Ahmed wants to know my true feelings about everything.

He communicates with me verbally, with his eyes and body language, and it is always clear.

He cooks a full, delicious breakfast for me every morning.

He appreciates my curves and loves my muscles.

When I receive flowers from Ahmed, it really means something to me.

He heals and erases all my past hurts and promises to keep me safe, loved and whole.


This, and a million more little and big things.

Let's see how I'm doing on that 5 year plan

On November 5, 2008, I listed a few fantasy goals and wishes for the next 5 years. Let's see how I'm doing so far.

I wanna:
-date a hot Indian man named Raj

Almost dated an Indian, but he was still in India when I met my love.

-go to Egypt a second time

Check.

-buy a car that's actually good in the snow

May not be necessary. Now I'll need a car that's good in chaotic driving environments covered in sand.

-sunbathe on a nude beach

Not yet, maybe on the honeymoon!

-live in Chicago for at least a year

eh, who knows?

-marry someone who's foreign with a wonderful voice

May be in the process

-write my book

Or our book

-buy a sweet house with tons of character

or build :)

-sip wine in Napa Valley with someone who appreciates wine

still on the list

-have a koi pond

Not sure if it's possible in Egypt

-in the next five years.

Please Ask

I will be returning to Cairo within the next few weeks, to see the country through non-tourist eyes. I think I did a fairly good job of not seeing the country through American eyes while I was there, but it's something I'll still need to be aware of. Western media and government have done their best to make us fearful of Arab countries. Very simple ideals have been twisted 180 degrees to give Americans the impression that Arabs are subhuman, cruel and sadistic people, especially the men. I think there are people like that from every culture, especially our own. What makes a difference is on what we choose to focus our attention and energies. We can find the negative and dark and evil in every people and place. While I don't turn a blind eye to evil, it's not where my focus lies. Evil is everywhere, even in small town NH.

Even more important than dropping the American perspective while there is seeing the beautiful country of Egypt through Ahmed's eyes. Hanging out with his friends, dining at the restaurants he frequents, seeing so much more than the Great Pyramids, Sphinx, Ramses II tomb... When he took me to his mom's place and to a civilized private hospital, I saw how much I didn't know about Egypt. It's a developing country, yes, but there are areas which are certainly developed, even upscale.


I will continue to update this blog of my journey and new developments. I hope to share my experiences with my American friends and possibly open their eyes to Egypt in a way they wouldn't ordinarily be able to see. Let my eyes be yours. As I learn and discover, so will you. I look forward to your comments, questions and suggestions! If there's something you're curious about or always wanted to know, please ask and I will do my best to have your questions answered, from my newcomer perspective and from the native Egyptian perspective.

Just ask.

More than I could have ever imagined

Egypt is a beautiful country. If you've ever wanted to go, just go. Really. It's safe, beautiful and the people are wonderful. My largest piece of advice is to drop all preconceived notions of an Arab culture and simply observe and soak it in. The more you try to impose how things "should be" on the culture, the less you will get out of your experience.



I'm not sure how to say this, so I'll just say it. I fell in love. On a soul, cellular and spiritual level. God called me to Egypt for a reason, and Ahmed is the reason. He knew from the moment he saw me, and I knew a few short days later, when we each lay gazing at each other from our bunks, in the adjoining overnight cabins of the train from Cairo to Aswan.

He invited me to his cabin to watch a movie on his laptop. We left the smoky club car and locked ourselves into our respective cabins, each a single. Everyone else had roommates. I'm not a big drinker, and cigarette smoke irritates my lungs. We left the rest of the group to retreat to our own type of relaxation. We used the inside door to create a path, and settled in for a movie. The gently rocking train certainly gave a romantic effect, but I was not there for romance, necessarily.

We half watched the movie and mostly talked. Our shoulders touched as we sat side by side. He mentioned how good that felt, as he hadn't had human contact and stimulating conversation in a very long time. We held hands. Shortly after, I was hugging him. We talked of our family. He got close to my face and I thought was going to kiss me, but he stopped me. He shared with me something very intimate and erotic - something I've never experienced before. It still feels very private and close, so I won't be writing about it here.

As the evening went on, we did kiss. We kissed until about 3 am, at which point I returned to my cabin. He asked if we could keep the inner door open while we slept. We gazed at each other until we fell asleep, the cabins lit only by occasional street lamps and lights from train stations at which we stopped.

Ahmed and I spent every night together since then. We were discreet because of the situation, and it was only until he invited me to the cruise ship director's table for breakfast that others started to catch on.

Off to Egypt

Thursday evening, I will embark on the first of hopefully many international adventures. I am prepared, excited and have complete faith that this will be a trip of a lifetime.

Last August, I searched the internet for a last minute cruise. Work was getting chaotic and we were anticipating a messy consolidation of two companies. It turned out to be more than messy - my partner gave his notice after the first day, one pharmacist was let go, and the remaining pharmacist and I jumped ship after being lied to, sabotaged and treated with no respect.

Back to the cruise - I searched and searched, found a few reasonable cruises... but then I saw an advertisement for a travel group that specializes in vacations for people aged 18-35. Perfect. I wouldn't be in bed by 10:00 every night, and would be traveling with similar aged and possibly like minded people. The group travels worldwide, but the Egypt and the Nile trip totally jumped out at me.

Egypt? I've never really wanted to go to Egypt before. Some people are all into the pyramids, the Sphinx and the Nile River. I've never really been fascinated by those things. So why was I drawn to this trip, I wondered?

The cost was reasonable. I had time to save money. But Egypt? I prayed to God, asking why I felt so drawn to this trip, closed my laptop and went to sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, I literally had a thought that was not my own - "This will be a life enriching experience that you will never regret". I wondered if I could really afford it. I had another thought - "Yes. This will happen". Done. Booked it.


I started the new job a few weeks later. Boy, did it suck. From the second week, I hated it and wanted to leave. I told myself to hang in for a while and it would probably get better. Some aspects did improve, but overall, it has been the worst job I've ever had.

I've never worked so hard or been so continually exhausted in all my life. It has affected every facet of my life - I rarely have energy to work out or run. I still get it done, but after a 10-11 hour day in hell, most nights I went home, sat on the sofa and completely vegged out like a construction worker. I rarely had the desire to meet up with friends, my love life went completely on hold due to my insane schedule, and found I was more irritable and sad. Lots of mornings while driving to work, I would cry in anticipation of the nightmare I was about to enter.

Friends and family would remind me of my upcoming trip to cheer me up, but it didn't work. I was so miserable, I couldn't see past the day to day in my living nightmare.

One final situation pushed me over the edge at work. It was shocking, very disconcerting and hurtful. I realized then that at each of the long term care pharmacies I've worked, there has always been at least one person who is mentally unstable, sadistic, passive aggressive and chooses to lash out at others. Some of the things I've witnessed have been appalling. When it's turned on me, it's unacceptable. I show up every day, I do the best I can possibly do, I get along with just about everyone, then I clock out and go home. If someone in authority chooses to project their miserable life and mind games onto me, I lose total respect for them and cannot continue to work under those conditions.

The day one particular event happened, I finished my day, went home, and stayed up until 3 am, filling out online applications for anything that I was remotely qualified. The next day, I did the same. Even in this stalled economy, I landed a few interviews and praise to God, I received an offer I could not refuse.

In two days, I will be on a flight to Cairo. Now, I can truly relax and look forward to it. I don't have to return to a miserable job when I come back. I will enjoy myself fully. I'm open to anything happening. I truly believe through God, all things are possible.

James Franco wins Harvard Hasty Pudding award

And he wins my award for being one hot man. Thanks for being you, James.

An Epic First Kiss

Yes, he's tall. And so much more. I sort of expected a kiss, but not the sort of kiss that happened. Things have been on a slow simmer, developing slowly and nicely. We discovered we have many values in common - we are both devoted Christians, we have very similar political views and oh, we're both amazing kissers.

As we were folded up in my sports coupe, the first contact surprised me in its intensity. I hadn't expected that. I thought it would be nice, sure, but not like this.

Several minutes later, the cops rolled up. Apparently I had parked in the middle of the road. Oops. I apologized and moved closer the snow banked curb, and resumed the kiss. I lost track of time, but I estimate that first kiss (minus the police interruption) lasted 45 minutes to an hour. It still left me wanting more.

He's only been in this area for a few weeks, so we'll explore New England a bit as well as each other. It feels very comfortable and good.

Dudes

My date for Wednesday night is in today's Union Leader. He's tall.

The man who is bringing me soaps is still in India. He was supposed to come home tomorrow. Boo.

Life Lesson #1

Take ibuprofen 30 minutes before receiving vaccinations.

Plus, you live in a haunted house!

Frank called. A full seven months after we last spoke. I must have a lasting impression, because this isn't the first man who's kept my number far longer than I would dream of keeping theirs.

I was meandering through the aisles of A Market in Manchester. A cozy natural food store with great produce, I was on a bit of a mission. My good friend, C, eats mostly organic, likes organic cosmetics, vegetarian... and I was looking for a sweet gift basket or at least some inspiration for her Christmas gift. I received neither, but I picked up a bitchin organic avocado and poured myself a steaming cup of yerba mate.

Heading over to the vitamins, I heard my cell ring, although muffled, inside my tiny purse. I never miss it, though. Dr. Dre has a pretty distinguishable beat.

I looked at the caller ID. A 617 area code. Mostly relieved that it wasn't work calling me in for some dire emergency, I answered almost sheerly out of curiosity.

"Hello?"
"hey, how ya doin?"
"Who is this?"
"haha hey what's up?"
"Who is this?"
"It's Frankie!"

A week prior, I was in downtown Boston and telling my mom, "I don't think I've heard the last of Frank".

A week later, my intuitive powers were once again validated.

"So I've been thinkin' about ya"
"oh yeah? Are you addicted to drama? Because all we did was fight"
"I know, huh"

We went on to discuss careers and how I may work in Boston but will never move there because I'm not a Masshole. Frank didn't like that.

Frank and I fought about everything. We fought from our first date on. I kept telling him I wasn't a fighter, but he didn't know better. Being with Frank brought out the worst in me. I couldn't figure out why. Was it the constant tension in his voice? Was it the awful directions he gave and sent me an hour out of my way? Maybe it was when he told me it was in his cultural heritage to have a mistress once married. Before we got to the third date, we argued over how our Frankie Jr. would be raised.

A side note - Frank bought a new car fairly soon after meeting me. A few other of my beaus have also done that.

Frank earned a few nicknames with my friends. Pasta Perv, Fettuccine Frank, and I would come to call him "Fucking Frank" - and not in the good way.


Frank sells fresh pasta. He also opened a cafe in Roslindale with a business partner. I never got to see the cafe. A week before opening, I injured my back. I'm 100% better now, but at the time, I was at home on Flexeril and Vicodin, waiting for a chiropractic appointment. I couldn't stand up straight and it hurt to sit. My options were skulking around or laying flat.

He was busy with the cafe. He asked if I'd like to go out over the weekend. I told him I was still hurt, and very high, by the way. That drug combination is a winner. He could come see me, but I couldn't drive. He told me he'd visit and make me feel all better. I popped pills and waited, but no Frank. When he finally called, I confronted him. I told him if all he was looking for was a fun, hot date, he wasn't going to get one that weekend... and is that why he didn't show? Silence from Fucking Frank. I hung up and deleted that bitch from my phone.

Seven months later from the skincare aisle at A Market, we discussed why it would never work. I told Frank I had enough stress at work - I don't need to come home and fight with someone every night. I'm looking for a healthy, stable relationship. I'd be crazy to marry someone who admits he'll cheat on me because it's in his "heritage". I told him his parents may be from the old country, but he's not. How does someone blame a country for his own moral inadequacies, anyway?

"And if that's not enough, you live in a haunted house!"

I giggled inwardly as I imagined other A Market customers eavesdropping on what must have sounded like a very strange conversation.

I arrived at Frank's house an hour later than expected. He left out a minor detail when giving me directions - such as changing routes. Completely frustrated, I stopped twice and got directions from a cop and a liquor store attendant. When I was calm enough to speak to him, he talked me in on the phone, and said how amazing it would be if we got past this and stayed together. His boss offered to drive out to find me and escort me to Frank's house. I eventually arrived and attempted to calm myself down before stepping onto the driveway.

He was waiting on the porch for me. He said he felt like a little kid with his baseball mitt, waiting for dad to come home. I found that and some other things endearing about him. When I saw him, all my frustration disappeared. He hugged me and ushered me inside. He told me he'd make it up to me. I told him he'd better.

The agenda for that particular evening was cooking! Frank was a professional chef for many years. He told me to bring whatever I like to eat, and he'd create a meal for us. We cooked together and laughed and drank the awful wine from the vineyard we visited on our first date. I enjoyed myself, and before long, it was very late. I had to work the next day. He invited me to stay over, but I felt it was too early in our relationship to do that. He told me not to be silly - I had already been on the road two hours that day. I asserted that there would be no hanky panky (well, maybe a little - he still had to make the driving frustration up to me), and he agreed.

Frank told me to go upstairs and hop in bed while he cleaned up the kitchen. There was no light switch at the bottom of the stairs. I carefully climbed the stairs in the dark, but when I approached the top, I felt that awful familiar feeling of thickened air and heavy atmosphere. The feeling of a haunting. I hesitantly approached the top of the staircase and ran my hands across the walls, searching for a light switch. Nothing.

"Frank?" I called out.
He came to the bottom of the stairs.
I asked him where the light was, and he came up and turned one on in his bedroom. I followed him in, then asked where the upstairs bathroom was. When I stepped out of his bedroom, I felt it again. It was hanging around the top of the stairs. It was so noticeable I was very surprised Frank didn't seem to notice it himself.

He eventually joined me in bed and I tried to sleep. I was awoken several times throughout the night with BIZARRE dreams. The type of dreams one has when they're in a highly charged psychic environment. I was in the room we were sleeping in, with Frank's family (whom I hadn't yet met), discussing the "thing" in the hallway. In another dream, I was in his basement being attacked. I knew that Frank would not protect me and that I would have to defend myself. All night these dreams and others went on and on.

Around 3 am, Frank stirred and asked if I was up. When he looked at me, he knew for certain I was very awake. I asked him if his place was haunted. He said no one had ever come out and asked him that, but anyone who sleeps over never gets any sleep. In fact, he said he sleeps BETTER when he's away from home. I told him that it's usually the opposite for most people. We talked more about what was in the hallway, and then tried to sleep some more.

I left early in the morning and hit the most welcoming, heart warming rush hour traffic on the southeast expressway in Boston. After just a very short few hours of sleep and a stressful drive the day before, I decided I was done with Frank.

But what about Frankie Jr? We gave it one last try for our son we would never have and took a day trip together. Frank is of course Catholic, but doesn't practice. I'm a non-denominational bible based Christian who does practice. Frank wanted Frankie Jr. to be baptized at birth, first communion, etc. I want my son to know God through Jesus and choose to have that personal relationship with Him. We couldn't agree.

A week later, I was flat on my back waiting for fair weathered Frank to darken my doorstep. It speaks volumes about people who are around for good times, but are nonexistent when you just need a DVD, some take out and a back rub.

We wished each other well over the phone, he driving in Danvers, me in the A Market.

I hung up, paid for my avocado and now almost empty cup of yerba mate, and laughed to myself about the strange, odd and never boring people who come into my life.

Some have said I attract them! So what does that say about me? :)