Yesterday I ceremoniously and officially said good bye to the spineless Billy by submerging two live lobsters into boiling water. The lobsters, are of course, symbolic in that they provide part of his livelihood. The submerging and ultimate killing of the lobsters was a good way to end things in my mind. I no longer have room for weak, lying, selfish men in my life.
This Thursday evening, I will be dining on pulled pork and other southern barbecue with a new friend. John is from the mid-Atlantic and appreciates good barbecue. He also asks me questions about myself and listens to my answers. He doesn't let me get away with asking a question and not answering it myself. Of course, this is all preliminary courtship stuff and may fall by the wayside in a few short months. I'll know to keep a sharp eye early on for any selfish or one sided behavior. This will no longer be tolerated in my relationships.
I believe in myself. I believe my life will grow and flourish into whatever I wish. I can now see what I let happen in the past year. I won't blame myself or beat myself up over it. I will acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on. I will return to my true essence and give a warm embrace to the self who tolerated bad behavior and destructive actions and inactions - she needs the hugs, but she also needs to know there is a better way. I'm open to love - most of all, self love. I will tell myself the things I need to hear. I won't search for approval or affirmation outside of myself. It's all within, and it's who I need to hear from most.
I am powerful.
I am strong.
I am beautiful.
I am worthy.
I am a child of God.
I am smart.
I am good enough.
I am everything I need me to be.
I am me.
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Having a background in metaphysics (this is where the whole tin foil cap idea you have comes in), I think it would be the opposite. Ceremoniously killing that which feeds some, with intent that the good bye is forever, may actually negatively impact lobster season on the NH coast. THAT isn't my intent, but karma does have a funny way of paying some back.
But actually, they were for my sister's birthday and my brother-in-law's Father's Day celebration, so they were going in the pot with or without my ceremony.
It seemed like the perfect idea right as they were about to get dunked. I grabbed each little crawly fucker and said good bye as I snuffed out their lives. It was very satisfying.
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